The Simonscans Porn Blog

Ha. Yeah right. On Sunday I took pictures of Jessica getting naked on camera for the first time.

I’ve not blogged in a totally direct moany way since whinging about programmers a while back. I’m pretty sure most of you come to this site for reasons other than listening to me whine, but sometimes a bit of background reality is interesting and can add some insight into how a site like this runs, and the realities of shooting porn. - And yes, anal scenes can smell of poo sometimes.

I know for sure from all the mail I get from you lot, that you think my life is an endless stream of great looking totty all fit and eager to flop em out for the lads. Well, if only it were true. For every great looking girl there’s 10 very average looking ones who really should think twice about taking there clothes of in public. Hell, some should think twice about removing there coats. Most of the time we screen the applications pretty effectively and in general we don’t don’t end up having driven 180 miles to a great location only for the girl to show up and be virtually unshootable. However, thats exactly what happened today.

Personally, she’s a lovely girl, chatty and generally pleasant to be with - which it has to be said - can’t be said of every girl I shoot. But, shes a genuine size 14, and not the hot kind with big boobs, big hips and a waist. Instead shes the Trinny and Suzanne hopeless case, big hips, no waist, no boobs - and worst still, those nipples that point down, but in a slightly boss-eyed fashion.

So what do we do? Well it falls to someone - me in fact - cause no one else will do it, to tell the poor girl shes not going to be shot cause she looks nothing like the (it now turns out) two year old photos she sent in and has gone up at least 3 dress sizes in the time between. Mostly they take it pretty well, but in the end I always end up sounding like Simon Cowell from X-factor. What on earth were you thinking? Do you really think we wouldn’t notice you’ve gained 20 Kilos since the photos you sent in? or even that you are fat, plain and simple. And much like the other Simon my justification is the same. - Go through with it and do a load of porn, you’ll look crap, and if you think I’m being harsh, wait till the girls who hated you at school find out, cause they’ll tear you to schreds.

Its official; Summer is here. You can tell cause the clocks have changed, Simon is wearing shorts and he’d done his first shoot of the year outside!

Here is a rarity on Simonscans. It's been ages since we switched from glorious technicolour to the minimalism of monochrome. Although we love Ariel for the gorgeousness of her fiery head of red, she looks the business in black and white. It just goes to show just how very photogenic she is and there's something about monochrome breasts�yum!

Back by popular request. Having decided to go on tour and cruise around the UK it seemed only natural we should end up in, errr, London. Ooopsie. Still, looks like it was worth it? Watch out for 5 new sets of Isabelle, looking better than ever.

Loulou dons a pink and black affair for her second shoot with us. Although she is a novice, the way she moves and the stuff she does means she comes across pretty experienced. But we can tell you she is greener than new leaves in Spring. For this set she teases her pussy with her fingers and plays with a dildo until she guides it deep inside her pussy.om/models/showseriesthu

Well what can we say about Sienna? The first thing has to be welcome and the second has to be...what a HELL of a debut on Simonscans. Not only is she wearing some fantasy get up with a black and red basque and suspenders. But, she also has her hands and, more importantly, her pussy wrapped around simply the most massive dildo. She lays on the worktop, leg in the air and slides it right in, deep. She then sits on it. Did we mention this is her first set? Did we mention it is fantastic? Well we did now. Download it!

Carmen has a brolly and she twirled it around like a Singing in the Rain expert. Of course we were inside and the only bit of liquid in the room was a rather weak cup of tea from the hotel's room service. We loved the prop idea because the more Carmen twirled, the more her ginormous boobs jiggled and juggled around. Carmen was a very, very good find indeed.