We’re in one of those busy BUSY periods right now. The summer is here and we have our porn stink on, so its all hands on deck while we shoot flat out. BUT, this causes a few issues, the most obvious being that there’s a few girls new to the site that seem to have only one set - The model pages saying “Series 1 of 1″ - What this actually means isn’t that we only shot one set. That would be plain silly. What it means is that we have only UPLOADED the first set, there’s loads more to come. As a general rule, no model ever has less than 6 sets, the best have over 20 - but they take time to process and upload to the site. Hence, on occasion, the numbers are off.

We’re back from Prague where we’ve been shooting for the last two weeks. And we have loads of content in the can. Which is great. Now the slightly tedious task of sorting, correcting and resizing all the images to a sensible size. As the copyright info on the bottom of each pic needed updating, as its now ‘08 it seemed sensible to work a little on our image processing. In the survey late last year, there was some feedback along the lines that the skin tones we were getting weren’t always spot on, so we’ve made a real attempt to improve it. I really think this image shows we’re on the right track. Click for the full size to really get the best effect.

Strange name? Not really, it comes from Euphrates the river.

Ikea and porn. Porn and Ikea. The two go hand in hand at porn locations, as you can clearly see in this is photo. Every single item of furniture, the wall hanging  and most of the soft furnishings are Ikea. The bed is SUNDNES, the big cushions are ALVINE FRÖ, the Da Vinci wall hanging RIDÅ.

Places we would like are:-

• Farms
• fields
• Barns
• Greenhouses
• Woodland
• Beach
• Caravans
• Boats
• Campsites
• Pubs
• Night Clubs
• Cinemas
• Theatres
• Gymns
• Bouncey castle!
• Trains
• Villas (Spain, not UK!)

Plus anything else you may have!

We get offered a lot of cars but have always had the same problem - we need somewhere quiet to park it and do the shoot!

In general we are looking for places we can use only in the afternoon and evenings - models can’t get up, ever! We’re fully house trained and insured. All that we ask is that the place you have on offer is yours to offer - its either yours directly, or you are able to give genuine permission. We are happy to pay - either in real money or in long free memberships.

Ideally we are looking for locations North of London, but South of Leeds - M1, A1, M40, M11 or A14 kinda thing, but would consider anywhere.

All aboard! We have a new tour. Confusingly, you may have arrived via the new tour in which case you have already seen it. But for existing members, Here it is in all its glory.

The big change is clearly that its a not only a lot better looking its also a lot bigger. When we came to do the redesign we realised very early on it was going to be a struggle to feature all the good stuff we had and the sheer size of the site if we had a small tour. So we thought, bugger it, we’ll have a large one. Funnily enough, that exact statement seems to be the answer to oh so many questions around here!

We looked at a few other sites before starting work, we even joined some. In every site we looked at, the same thing struck us; they have better tours, but the members areas aren’t as good or as large as Simonscans. So many sites these days call 40 images an update, what the hell is that about? So to show how things are different here we added the full update schedule to the tour - live from the main database, tourists can see every one of the last two months updates - sample images, update date and number of images.

Oh and unlike some other sites, we don’t hide the lame updates from non members.

Other changes include new Flash preview movies - these aren’t on the main site yet, but soon will be. Don’t worry, we won’t loose the old downloadable formats, but for previews and streaming (if that’s what you prefer) then Flash makes a lot of sense. Its certainly working out pretty OK for YouTube. The key benefit of the Flash previews are crazy small file size and almost universal playback on any computer - as long as it has Flash installed.

PS - If you do take the tour, any feedback or typo corrections would be gratefully received!

Or maybe green eggs and ham? I’ll go with the fox. Meet Leoni one of the first new models of the year. January and February are pretty quiet - everyone is getting over some for of xmas excess, the weather is all mucky, and generally no one is in the mood. So, queue a really perky new model turning up right when I least expected it. First shoots after a long lay off are quite fun, not least because the model clothes bag has probably been added to more than once since the last shoot, so there’s a huge selection of bits and bobs to try on and play with. Leoni thought we were joking when we said keep the socks on…

After posting up the snap shot of Linda on the sofa yesterday I thought, nah, it just doesn’t do her justice, so lets have another bash. As you can plainly see, Linda has a very impressive pair of legs, long and thin with that perfect triangular gap right at the top between her thighs and her lady bits.

If you are a regular you’ll also be a little taken aback by her outfit - normally I run screaming from the whole black and red stocking/suspender malarkey, but in this case, as it seems 100% appropriate, I didn’t. It works, and works well, so this time around I have no complaints - But don’t ask me to shoot any 4 foot 4 inch Hornswoggle gals in sussys, cause I won’t, they look poop and that’s the end of it.

It should say on the packet reserved for tall slim vamp use only!

When Linda turned up at the door we did a real double take. Is she todays model or Amy Winehouse? The resemblance is striking to say the least. Looks only though as Linda isn’t drunk and didn’t fight any of us. Phew.

Ooooh, errr, that’s a biggie. If there’s one thing I love as a porn guy its a full on newbie who is eager to please and not afraid of the big toys. This one has been sitting in the Simonscans magic bag for about a year with no takers, til now….

After the break, the soft stuff usually found before the break. (more…)

Whats your sign? In Hayden’s case its either “dangerous curves ahead” or maybe “slippery when wet”. In my case, well, I thought “hump bridge” was an instruction, not just information, so lets leave it at that. Oops.

No, don’t worry we’re crossing over into spanking territory. On the main updates page there are fifteen stills updates showing at any one time. As a new one is added at the top, the oldest one drops off the bottom. I noticed today that an interesting thing has happened - Everyone one of the fifteen girls showing on that page is a brand new, totally exclusive to Simonscans, UK girl. Not a single pro performer that you can see on a million other sites. As far as I know only one girl on this list has modelled before or since for any other sites. If you want to see these girls at all the ONLY way to do it is to join here.

Tree porn. It’s great if you have a woody!

OK, Joking aside, I get a fair amount of stick from members over these shoots. “Why can’t every set be pure filth, with anal gapes and multi dildo abuse of every hole in every set?” Well, for a start, the girls are people to, and making them feel a little loved and shiny by trying to take some pretty pictures of them, not only makes them happy, it usually results in them returning the favour and going the extra mile, or should I say inch, when it comes to the real work of the day. IE, the porn that you do like
The other reason is even more simple. None of them can really face a full day of nothing but dildo action, they’re not only people, they’re human too, and too much action would leave them raw! Lube or no lube dealing with the vaguely less blunt end of dildo the size of two coke cans on top of each other is a bit of a task. Do it too many times in one day, and we have to drive the poor girl home with towels on the car seats!

So, to mix things up a bit, and let you see all aspects of the girl, we continue to shoot the odd set that’s a bit floaty and pretty.

Dirty girl. CLEAN girl. Wanna sit in my car or pool? Then you need to be clean; This is how we do it.

Strictly speaking Ellie isn’t an Ibiza girl - We found her in the UK and she was more than happy to come out to shoot in Spain. We really think she’s something special, it’s not that often we get a new girl who has that extra twinkle in her eye that says “Go on, ask me, I’ll say yes!” And Ellie certainly does.

Think about it for one second. A guy you’ve never met asks you to jump on a plane, to a place you’ve never been before, with the promise of work and pay. You’d probably think twice if that work was being a PA or a cook or something. But what if it was porn? Bet you’d think at least twice… and then not show up at the airport, and move, and change your phone number.

So when she DID turn up in arrivals we were very relieved and pleasantly surprised.

Our faith in her was rewarded in many ways. Not only did she get all the Pizza and beer she could ever wish for, we let her jump Shelby’s bones and do her good and proper…. and up the bum too. Aren’t we nice?

Crocs are the shoe of the moment. Here’s Faron wearing MINE! Bloody thieving models. They’ll steal anything, especially if its made of squishy rubber.

Out the back of almost every villa everywhere is the barn that will form the villa owners next development. But for now, they make a very attractive rustic outdoor location. If the model doesn’t freak out at all the lizards and spiders that are lurking. Faron was pretty game to shoot out here, but as the ground was covered in spikey bramble thorns and cobwebs, I did the decent thing and lent her my shoes for the duration. Silver lap dancer heels would have looked a little daft here! I’ve worn my Crocs pretty much non-stop for the year. They are without doubt, the most comfortable shoe ever. Trouble is, now everyone has them.

A much more flattering shot of Faron then the one of her star jump into the pool. And there I was thinking I was a boob guy.

You’ll be seeing a lot more of Dahlia - There’s simply tons of sets, Ibiza and back in the UK. Two reasons. She’s hot and she like the biggest toys on offer.

What a fucking ingrate I can be at times. Having worked so hard to get to the position of being able to work full time with nekkid lay-dees and lounge by villa pools, I’m now going to say how nice it is that Ibiza is finished for the year. Finished only in that there’s no more shoots to do and I’m now back in the UK processing the tonnes of content into something that’ll fit on the internet. It’s not that I’m ungrateful really, its just that its damn hard work. The final trip this year was 23 days, with a shoot scheduled for every single day. The only time off I got was when a model would fail to show up - Which only happened four(?) times. Now factor in to the equation that most of the girls were total newbies - such as the Faron above - and suddenly its all quite hard work. Something, if I’m honest, I’m not that used to. :)

So what are the scores on the doors for this years Si’biza (pronounced Si-beee-tha or maybe Si-beee-za if you’re German!) The grand totals are pretty astounding - 20 new girls, all new and un-seen elsewhere. Somewhere in the region of 50,000 images (un-edited, but thats still a lot) and about 5 hours of video (again un-edited) The RAW images more or less fill four hard drives - thats 2 Terabytes of boobs and blue skys!

But success in porn isn’t measured in numbers (unless we’re talking INCHES!) its all about the quality, and I do think we’ve hit the nail on the head, we know from your feedback the kind of things that you like. - No implants, girls with hair, girls without hair. Less artys fartys floating about on beaches at sunset, and a lot more concentration on just shooting hot girls being proper rude. You know, doing the kind of large dildo self-buggery we’ve all come to love and expect from Simonscans. :)

As with all years its a mixed bag - we have at least 5 real grade A stunners, with a little bit of something for everyone from there on down. We got large breasted blue-eyed blondes, we got smouldering, dusky maidens. We have hot club dancers from Pacha and Mannumission. We even have your actual, slightly psychotic, space cadet club bunnies - posing only to pay for new glow sticks and reflective techno trousers!

As you may have noticed from this weeks updates we’re doing our best to add new girls every day this week - and I’m going to add a load more blog entries of some of the highlights as I run through sorting out the sets for the site over the next few days.

Whats that furry thing peaking out from under her dress? Could it be? Yes! Its real hair or maybe a pet hamster? Its been so long since anyone had any its hard to say.

A first for Simonscans - Our first Argentinian model. Here’s an out take from todays shoot with her.

One girls bum. Most unusual though as the girl in question has some HAIR. Its like dredging up a prehistoric beast from the depths, rarely seen, even more rarely caught on camera. Meet Hayden, the next big thing round here.

What a tragic waste of beer! Honestly, its beer! No really.

G’day mate! Aussie Abbagail attempts to escape from Simonscans Ibizan white castle. And fails. Cue evil laughter…

Teasing is such fun. One of these girls is new, the other appeared on the site a while ago. There’s a years free membership if you can guess the old timer correctly.

With only a week or so left of the Ibiza season its time to tease a little.  Here’s the rear of one of the newbies - Ketia. Brand new never modelled before and spreadng like an old timer! 8 sets to come some time after 22 Sept, when the full Ibiza updates start for real.

Any chance of squirting or peeing!!!

Maybe, we ask models and will shoot where we can.

it would be nice to know the age, height, weight, and dimensions of the models.

This is on the model page, but we’ll add it to more so its easier to find.

If you are going to do a set, don’t just shot 24 shots. I prefer the sets where there is 4+ pages of pics.

There are no 24 image sets. its very rare they’re less than 100 images.

How about asking ‘readers’ wives/gf to volunteer to appear in a shoot.

Send in those pics guys…

I still cannot download and play the movies on my win98SE computer system

Actually you probably can, go check out the movie players page at Microsoft and get the latest available. At worst the MPEGs will play on virtually any system. I should point out that Microsoft no longer support 98SE so it may be time for a slight upgrade to your hardware?

Get rid of this survey

If you answered it once, it should not show up again.

I don’t like the .MOV format for movies because all of the file must be downloaded before you can see it.

No, just use the “play on the page” The movie will buffer, and then play at high resolution right on the page

About the movie file of question 8, while I can view .mov files, I prefer .wmv files.

You really should persevere with the MOV format movies. I’m a long term Mac hater, so it takes a lot for me to admit they are currently the clear leaders in movie quality.

Movie quality is very good! some playback issues due to buggy!! quicktime player/format.(a lot of bugs in the player application, and very cpu consuming.). I prefer wmv format, same hd quality, and compatible with most normal movie-players.

This is exactly the opposite of our experience. One reason I have given up and decided to like .MOV is because Quicktime is so stable. If you are having any problems please contact us for support. (What exactly is your CPU busy doing while you watch porn? Multitasking is one thing, but please pay attention while watching my movies!)

Would like to see HD video downloads (1280X720, or higher) Would not mind paying a bit extra for the privlege

Currently the Quicktimes are 960×720 - Why they odd size? Because its big enough to fill most users screens and speeds download. I will look again at the larger sizes, look out for the test files shortly.

Why not french models?

Because I know of none. Feel free to spam me.

I’m about to cancel, solely because I’m sick of forged updates. Updates appear and then later have the dates changed on them and get reshuffled so as to appear as a new update. Happens pretty much every week, some updates get re-dated. Do you seriously think it goes un-noticed?

Updates aren’t forged. last week we updated 3 or 4 sets per day by mistake, so correcting the scheduled meant things disappeared and then re-appeared. very occasionally ugly girls are shifted back in time from the real update day as it gets them off the updates page, where they sit, killing sign ups. Even more rarely, girls NEVER appear in the updates, they just get teleported back into history, without ever having appeared in that days updates, where hopefully no one notices them.

Ok I can understand missing sets when they are new, but this many? Tasha, Erin, Natasha, Dahlia, Gretchen, Heather, Leona? Somehow I think there is a pattern here - GET IT SORTED!!!!

This isn’t an error at all. We shoot models as we find them, and as such have good periods and then lean periods. Clearly we don’t add all of a models sets or all the models we have available on one day, so some stuff sits in the holding area for a while. Because of the way the database works, models appear in the model directory even before they have any sets live. In short, they’re not missing, they’re just not born yet.

Don’t take old models off the site !

We don’t. Unless there’s a reason or they’re really, really ugly. Or both.

I’d like more of the pink-haired Nina. She seems to stand out that bit more to me than most. Maybe it’s because of some of my weird tastes.

Your tastes aren’t weird, we wish we could find more of the quirky random girls to shoot.

Typical download speeds are slow compared to other sites and at times (mainly weekends) are so sluggish as to make the site almost unusable. Very frustrating as you have a GREAT site !

Frustrating for us that you say this, we will investigate further. If you do experience slow downs can you contact us please, and let us know your ISP and location?

Make videos of the women undressing and posing, like in the stills. All videos don\’t have to be the women climaxing.

Good idea. Duly noted.

Delete toys from the stills and videos, they are a distraction and hide the cunt and insides.

If we don’t stretch them a bit with something, then there won’t be any shots of insides.