Breasts |
|
Large Breasts
Medium Breasts
Small Breasts |
Boobylicious!
Big ones, small ones…it isn’t rocket science, but it
is what you came for. If you aren’t sure what we mean by large
breasts then, perhaps you need to look at some anatomy diagrams
or, get some 1on1 tuition (*shouts for matron*). Reading mammary
glands is a hard job, but someone’s got to do it! Size is
relative. It goes without saying that a perky 34C on a tall, size
12 has less impact than if they belong to a short, size 8. The size
12 girl would just have an average pair while the size 8 girl would
poke your eyes out! But whether you are looking for Holy Smoke!
Heaving Mamas! (eg large breasts), a good UK handful (eg medium
breasts) or the two Asprins on an ironing board look (eg small breasts),
then rest assured; we have what you are looking for. |
Clothes |
|
Panties
Lingerie
Stockings
Sports
Work
Fashion
Bikini
Glasses
High Heels
None |
Ok.
We hold our hands up. Not all our photos are of naked girls. Believe
it or not, some turn up to shoots wearing *gasp* clothes. Well,
it would be a bit nippy on the bus. Add to that a rather large dressing
up bag full of thongs in the style of dental floss through to, errr,
well, more dental floss really, certainly not much to hide anyones
modesty. Anyway, back to explaining some of the keywords…We
agree that Lingerie and Panties are similar, however, we divide
them using the following “Simon” method. Lingerie is
the modern day hair shirt – all lacy and uncomfortable, most
likely with suspenders and stockings thrown into the mix as well.
(You do realise women rarely wear this stuff In Real Life?) Panties
are your normal everyday greying, cotton undercrackers. In the High
Heels section there's everything from “porn” footwear,
such as tacky transparent nine-inch killer platforms and yucky silver
stripper heels throughto the odd pair of classy stilettos! Under
Stockings you will also find girls wearing tights (don’t ask
what type of gusset they have!). Sports/Work/Fashion is stretching
the definitions somewhat! turn up to "work" in the kind
of "work" outfit seen here and you may soon have a load
more time for "Sports" but it does cover everything from
suits through to work overalls. Amazingly, as most sets end up fully
nakey it's surprising how few start that way, so that gets it's
own category of "none"! |
Country
|
|
UK
Ibiza |
We don’t just restrict
ourselves to the mostly rainy clime of the UK. We broaden our horizons
with regular visits to Ibiza. Time for a quick history lesson (no
yawning at the back!): this island is located in the Mediterranean
Sea and belongs to Spain. Together with Formentera, it is one of the
two Illes Pitiüses. The island’s major cities are Ibiza
Town and San Antonio. Although the island is widely known as Evissa
in Spain itself, the hoards of English that go there for serious clubbing
still refer to it as Ibiza. Whatever, dude. Let’s cut to the
chase. It is mostly sunny and has plenty of naked chicks with questionable
moral standards - just the way we like ‘em! The trully great
thing about the Ibiza girls is that virtually NONE are real models,
just fit girls in search of a few extra bucks so they can stay on
the island just a little longer or party that little bit harder. What
is great is they don't have the typical glam look of most UK girls,
they're serious clubbers every last one so expect real attitude. Roll
up! Roll up! |
Fur
Factor
|
|
Shaved
Trimmed
Hairy
|
Please understand that we
are not talking facial hair here. We are talking pussy pile or flap
fur. So, if you want to find yourself a Hairy Mary, racking the fur-O-meter
scale up to maximum, then search for hairy. If you like your girls
balder than Kojak or sparser than the Sahara, then use shaved as a
keyword. If you like them tidy and neat (like at stately home garden
hedge) then Trimmed is what you are looking for. As a rule we don't
require our girls to either one way or the other - Whatever they turn
up with is fine by us. As yet, "Razor Burn" and "Wonky
Speed Stripe" aren't categories, though they could be! |
Hair
Colour |
|
Blonde
Mousey
Brunette
Black
Redhead
Extensions/dyed |
Thank god they mostly still
have hair on their heads or in some cases we'd never know for sure. |
Hardness
|
|
Hard
Medium
Soft
2girl
|
We
think you might want to tailor your viewing to your mood on occasion.
Sometimes you might want soft and fluffy photos showing girls just
loafing around kitless (eg Soft), while other days you might want
full-on licking lesbian action (eg 2girl). The keywords will help
you decide what level you are prepared to go to. Bear in mind that
if select Hard, you are going to see plenty of dildo and finger
action. Yeah baby yeah! To get a genuine "Hard" rating
its not enough for a girl to play hide the sausage with a selection
of improbably sized plastic willys - she has to really look like
shes enjoying it. Soft sets, we love, hard sets we also love - but
fakers just don't ring our bell, we want girls who are sexy AND
having fun, however rude it may be. |
Location |
|
Bed
Sofa
Bathroom
Kitchen
Indoors
Outdoors
Beach
Car
Studio
Home |
Do you REALLY care if its bed or sofa?
Just in case you hadn’t noticed, this isn’t an interiors
site or a magazine spread of Simon’s private island. However,
we have put these location keywords in to cater for those of you dreaming
of sun, sea and sand, or those interested in what type of cars we
have (anoraks!), or where we shoot the girls. We shoot everywhere
from high class hotels right through to nasty bedsits in the wrong
part of town. Anywhere we can set up a camera and shoot without being
arrested or frozen solid, we'll risk it. Be aware that you may be
on the wrong site if you are looking for girls cooking soufflés,
cleaning out the drains, or buns in ovens (agh! *euphemism meter explodes*).
|
Piercings and
Tattoos |
|
Pierced
Nipples
Pierced Pussy
Pierced Face
Tattoos |
This category is useful, to us at least,
as a "not" search - Select one of these, tick the "not"
box on the search next to it, then when you search for any other keyword
girls with drilled bits or doodles will be excluded from the results.
Sorted. While we love natural girls, we know there are members who
like girls with some metal. While we draw the line at a full metal
jacket, some tasteful piercings (nipples, pussy, tongue, etc) are
allowed. Makes us wince though when we see pierced pussy. Ow yow yow!
As the saying goes, each to their own. Perhaps some of the girls with
tattoos should stick with old fashioned dot-to-dot on paper? Can you
tell what it is yet? |
Random Stuff |
|
Messy
Gaping
Smoking
Meaty Flaps
Peeing
Ethnic
Real Orgasm
Bit Arty
Simon`s Pick
Bondage |
If you are looking for unusual or specific
looks/actions then this is the category for you. We have some keywords
for you if you like wide open holes (something we do rather well,
since you ask!), big flaps (Meaty Flaps) or some fetish (Bondage).
Simon’s Pick is a collection of the Don’s favourites,
while under the keyword Bit Arty are the most unusual shots, which
as well as having some redeemingly good photography or weird angles
are also not necessarily the tamest either. Many members email us
their idea of a dream photo (see Peeing and Smoking) and we do our
best to make sure we include these yukky requests, even though it
makes us wonder sometimes... We are surprised we haven’t had
requests for: reading book/newspaper; picking nose; wiping arse with
toilet paper; brushing hair; woolly socks; pushing old granny shopping
trolley; watching TV; pulling stupid faces; and handstands. Guess
we’ll leave that for a rainy day! |
Status |
|
Pro Model
Amateur Model
Student
MILF
First Timer |
The keywords here shouldn’t be
taken too literally as First Timer is the only keyword that is really
accurate. We source as many of our own new girls as possible, so even
if they do turn up elsewhere, if it says first timer, then we shot
her first. The other categories are judgements, rather than absolute
guarantees, based on Simon's sometimes rather unusual tastes in women
as well as anything objective and un-biased. We also accept bribes
from models in all major currencies. Pro Model means any totally fit
girlie who we really, REALLY like and wish to flatter in any way we
can, while Amateur means girls that are good looking, but only in
the right light or they've made it clear they have large long term
boyfriends so just aren't worth creeping too. Student is any female
and under 25, possible not the best looking girl in the room, but
she got her flaps out for YOU so enough with the bitching already!
MILF means Mother I'd Like To Fuck - or maybe you wouldn't, who knows?
Anyway, mother or not, she'll be over 25 but well maintained and low
mileage. This rather odd system means we can have a model whos a Pro
Model, MILF and First Timer all at the same time. |
Toys/Fingers |
|
Fingers
Toys
Big Toys
Anal Fingers
Anal Toys
Big Anal Toys |
This is the action category. If you
like your photos hard, then here are some keywords for you. If "Mr
Potato Head" sprang into your mind as a toy I think you may be
on the wrong site! Likewise if you thought fingers involved chocolate
or fudge (joke for UK members there about old skool sweets). Toys
mean dildos and vibrators, while Fingers mean human digits at the
end of your wrists! There! Just how patronising was that on a scale
of 1 to 10?! |
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